His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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