woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
