Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
