dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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