What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
