Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
