dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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