I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
