if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
