just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
