Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
