life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
