Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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