ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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