you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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