I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
