do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm bleeding and have questions
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
