there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
