I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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