he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
