my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
