i would punch a child for taco bell
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
