She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
