and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
