there's paper in my vomit.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
