I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
