how can u be prego again
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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