dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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