If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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