Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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