Quick, to the slutcave!
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
