Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
