Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
