we're blogging at a bar
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
