Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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