conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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