My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
