6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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