I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
