Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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