My brain says no but my pants say off.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
