he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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