Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
