roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
