Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
