And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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