I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
