Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
