3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
