John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She even gives head with a lisp.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
