it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
