I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
