i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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